The Old Crow – a short story featuring Li’l Marie

• The goal is to tell an 8-10 page story that starts to show how Betty, Marie’s mom, is starting to slip into mental illness.
• I’ve long known that the opening page should be silent and feature Marie interacting with a crow.  This is very clear in my head and should feature a shot of Marie walking home and then spotting a crow sitting on a stop sign or somesuch.  She exchanges looks with the crow and the two wind up staring at one another for a short time.  Then, with a sharp “caw,” the crow takes to the air and flies out of sight.  Marie is left by herself as she watches the crow disappear into the horizon.
• The problem I’m facing is that I can’t be too obvious with the storytelling.  Marie doesn’t know what’s happening with her mom approximately 5 years after this story takes place, so anything I show here has to be subtle.  Plus, I don’t want to touch on any of the imagery I already used in road; that means I can really only be subtle and abstract in this story.
• I also don’t want to show Betty’s temper here at all.  If anything, Marie shouldn’t be so much upset by her mom’s “oddness” but instead just rather confused.  Fear shouldn’t be an element in this story.
• The one thing I could do is play with Betty’s sense of time.  Marie arrives home from school and her mom is asleep on the couch.  She wakes up as Marie takes off her backpack and mutters, “shouldn’t you be getting to school, sweetie?”  Marie looks at her, oddly, and then says, “Uh, mom, I’m just getting back…school’s done for the day.”  Betty: “oh, sorry.  I must have fallen asleep for longer then I meant to.  Figuring out money stuff always makes me sleepy.”
• On the coffee table beside her are a collection of bills and a small container of medication.  The lid is open.
• Marie watches her with some concern on her face, “Are you…ok?”
• Betty gets up off the couch and smiles at her daughter, “Just tired, dear.  So, you want some break- oh, um, I mean a snack or something?”
• Marie continues to stare at her, “No, I’m not hungry.”
• Betty, oblivious to her daughter’s confusion, says, “well, I’m going to scoot to the kitchen and start getting supper ready.  How does spaghetti sound to you?  I’m sure when you start smelling the aromas your belly will start grumbling.”
• Marie smiles at that, “Sure, mom, that would be great.”
• With that, Marie settles down to read on the couch.  Or I could just have her watch TV, plunking her backpack down on the coffee table beside her.  A couple of panels with her just being quiet.  And then the last panel should have Marie start as a loud, angry “Damn it!” comes out of panel.
• As Marie gets up cautiously from the couch, Betty reappears in the door frame.  She’s forcing a smile.  “Look, sweetie, I-um, forgot that food is a little tight right now.  I-I’m just waiting to get a cheque in the mail and it…it hasn’t come in yet.  So, I think…I think we’ll have to make do tonight, ok?”
• Marie bites her lower lip.  “Sure, that’s ok.”
• Her Mom smiles a bit more.  “Well, we still some odds and ends.  I’ll put something together.  It just won’t be spaghetti this time around.  A bit of a ‘Betty Special’ instead.”
• Marie says “ok” once again and her Mom disappears back to the kitchen.
• Marie returns to her show and then her Mom pops back in again.  “Actually, sweetie, I, uh, need to make a quick run to the corner store.  I won’t be long.”
• Marie, worried about her mom, offers to come along.  “I don’t mind coming with you.”  Betty looks nervous about this.  “Well, uh, ok…”
• The two walk up the street holding hands but not really talking with one another.  The conversation is a little stilted.  Betty: “Did you have a good day at school today?”  Marie: “Yeah, it was ok.  Kelly and I hung out at lunch.  I’m thinking of going to her place on Saturday if that’s ok.”  Betty: Sure, sweetie, that’s fine.  Oh, wait, are you seeing your dad this weekend?”  Marie: “No, that’ll be next weekend, Mom.  I just saw him on Sunday.”  Betty: “Oh, right, of course.  Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got a headache and it’s making thinking a little hard.”  Marie: “Oh.”
• They arrive at the store and the two go in.  Marie goes right to the magazines while her Mom grabs a few items and then goes to the cash.  An older man is the cashier (“that’ll be $8.88”).  We should see this sequence from Marie’s point of view.  So maybe an initial shot of the two talking with no dialogue and then a cut to Marie, who stops reading to listen harder.  We cut back to her Mom and the cashier but this time Marie’s head is strongly in the foreground.  And we can hear the conversation.  Betty: “I, uh, was hoping I could put this on my tab, Mike.  I’m just waiting for my cheque but it hasn’t come in yet.”  Mike: “Well, Betty, you’ve already got a few things on it.”  Betty: “I know, but this will be the last time.”  Mike looks over at Marie (so basically right at the reader) and then says “yes.”  Betty is clearly relieved and says in a louder voice, “Oh, thanks Mike, that’s great.”  She looks over at her daughter and says “time to go.”
• Close up on Marie looking worried about her Mom.
• The two are back on the street, walking home holding hands.  Marie looks up and sees what could be the same crow circling in the sky high above.  As the two mount the front steps to their apartment, Marie hesitates and stares after the crow.  Then she turns to her Mom and says softly, “I love you, mommy.”  Betty smiles down at her.  “I love you too, sweetie.  With all of my heart.  Now let’s get inside and get you some spaghetti after all.”
• The two disappear into the house and the last shot should be over the shoulder of the crow, perched on a tree branch looking towards the house.
  

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